Do you find yourself going through your partner’s belongings? Now what can be causing this nonsense, I meant behavior? Is there a lack of trust, or an insecurity factor? Or maybe its other people’s stories that you have heard regarding disloyalty, or you have had troublesome relationships in the past, infidelities.

You may have had a rough patch with your partner and believed it has mended. However, you are still feeling uneasy and begin to wonder. Your mind won’t let you rest. You attempt to manage these feelings, but you resort to being Inspector Gadget. Is it okay to Snoop? Let’s talk about this.

It is absolutely wrong and invasive to go through your partner’s belongings without him knowing. But do you feel bad when you are doing it? Should I answer that? Do you feel guilty that you are not supposed to, but you have the urge to do so? So, you half heartily go through his things. And while you are doing so you feel anxious and scared that you are going to find something or get caught.

Then you begin to think of your reaction if you were to find something. Now, where do you start to look? Do you go throw his wallet? His pants pockets and his underwear drawer? Smell his clothing, check his car and his phone? Or maybe you cannot check his phone as it’s LOCKED. Do you not have the password? Now I am not trying to start anything, I am just saying.

Having access to your partner’s phone or email

 We all would love for our partners to leave their phones unguarded, laying around somewhere so we can go through it, just kidding. Some partners do leave their phones idly and they are brave. ( But isn’t it nice when partners share a level of trust, or should I say a relationship where having access to each other’s phones is not a discussion or a problem). Not certain if it’s a conscious decision when some partners decide to leave, or not leave their phones guarded. But if his phone is always on his hip, does it equate to a concern? No, it depends on your man and his behaviors.

It’s not necessary to have access to a partner’s phone. But sometimes we worry about our partner’s phone as we know it’s a passage to others and a diary. I suppose needing access in the event of an emergency where your phone is disable. Or to retrieve important contact information from his phone ( like his mama’s number when you need to call her), but not just to browse through his phone because you don’t trust him. What about his email do you need to have access, and check his messages to see who and what he’s doing, of course not? That is his personal business, right?

Snooping can cause more harm in your relationship

If there are uncertainties and insecurities get to reasons. Nothing gets resolve when you snoop. You might think that you are doing something about it by snooping, but your not. Sorry to burst your bubble. Communicate your feelings as if you do not, the problem heighten and now you are a professional snooper.

And if your partner is aware that you are playing TSA he might become upset that you do not trust him. That might also backfire and now he doesn’t trust you. You see that? He might feel that you are overstepping boundaries, and now he is disappointed with your behavior. And now you have to explain to him why you have hired yourself to inspect his belongings. Having to fanoogle your way out of this mess is not worth it. In the end, you both will loose focus on the bigger picture, the problem!

There is such a thing call Privacy in a relationship

Even though individuals are married, or in a relationship it does not give the right to have complete access to each other’s personal belongings. There is such a thing call privacy. So, unless it’s a prior conversation and an agreement that you are examining your partner’s belongings, it’s not acceptable. What if the tables turn, and he has been looking through your things? And it doesn’t matter if there isn’t anything to hide, or you wouldn’t mind. I am sure you wouldn’t like it.

So, even though your woman’s intuition is telling you something is wrong it’s best to have a conversation with your partner surrounding your feelings of doubt or fears. However, I do know the reality is for some of us who have a past with disloyal partners, where you have tried to have a sit-down talk, and it does not work. At the end of the day if you still have doubts, and you have had numerous conversations with your partner, he is not being forthcoming, you most certainly know something it going on, and you must get down to the nitty gritty, then snoop shall it be.

How do I manage snooping

I check in with my hubby. Checking in keeps the snooping at bay. When I say check in we have in-depth conversations about our relationship. By speaking with my partner every now and then about how we are doing that’s a bit comforting and being honest with each other. This is helpful not to resort to this nonsense.

I remind myself that I trust him, and we are doing what must be done to make our relationship work. He hasn’t given me a reason to snoop. And he’s a fairly an honest guy. So, it’s not him it’s my own issues. It’s those toxic relationship that left me second guessing others.

There are just some things no matter how hard I try are not going away fast enough. I don’t do it often (as if that is an excuse), but every now and then I check in by snooping. Listen ladies in past relationships I would go as far as checking miles on cars. See that is what unhealthy relationships do to you. They should make you wiser, smarter, not paranoid and a bit crazy. Just remember to keep the crazy under control.

You know how that saying goes, don’t go looking for something as you mind find something. And I say, well if it weren’t there in the first place I would not find it. Okay that is not the way to go. But just keep in mind that while snooping around there might be some unexpected things that you might find and not ready to deal with.

The fact of the matter is whatever those feelings you have, which are leading you to snooping around needs to be addressed as it does not give you, or me the right to snoop. We are not going to promote certain behaviors, but we are keeping it honest. Let’s say no to Snooping and yes to Communicating.

Thank you friends for reading.  Do you snoop?