I resumed watching Real Housewives of Atlanta yesterday. After I made a pledge to myself that I will either limit, or end my exposure to reality tv. I feel guilty when I watch. That I am contributing to the negative stereotypes of black women. And by doing so is watching, which increases ratings. But see, I know better than to be believe these story lies. I know what the real representations of black women look like. But, I am not about to go on and on about this not right now.

However, with the Covid-19 virus and physical distancing, I was extremely bored. So, I began looking around for entertainment, not that I couldn’t have found anything else better to do with my time, but reality t.v at this time was tempting. Darn it, I gave in and The real Housewives of Atlanta delivered the antics.

I thoroughly enjoyed their fashion hits and misses. It was easy to catch up, after all, the destructive story lies do not change. The story line that caught my attention was not only Kenya and her hubby, but Cynthia’s relationship with her new beau. She reported he has been a habitual cheater, and was wondering what made her different from the other women who he cheated on. Is once a cheater always a cheater, not necessary right?. Let us chat.

She is correct women in their right minds who are entering a relationship with a known cheater will have questions and doubts. We know that infidelity is a major deal breaker and destroy many relationships. I would worry too, wouldn’t you?

It is one thing if it were a one time incident, even though not okay, I would be less concern than if it were a habit. A single isolated incident where he confesses that his past behavior was a poor decision on his part. That he is disgusted, is sincerely apologetic for his behavior, and it is not something that he would have not done. In addition to outlining how, why, and going forward how to ensure this does not repeat.

Women who think that they are special, and can reform a cheater. If they hold these super powers they need to share with others.

However, for the not so special ones, who are worried that this behavior will continue. I would be concerned too if he has formed this habit. For one, habits are difficult to break. Two, he would have to identify the reasons behind this habit.

As you never know he might relapse as with any habits. And then you have to think about if that happens how are you going to respond. Are you going continue to work it through with him, or run like you hear news? Or maybe he had more than enough time to heal his habit. So, at this point he is no longer craving, is at the end of his rope, and/or is close to ridding himself of this toxic behavior.

Three was the reason for this behavior had to do with an internal or external problems. Once those reasons have been identified what kinds of work did he put in? Did he just simply say that he’s done and thinks that he’s good?

Or did he actually do some self exploration and treatment? If he is willing to go through your Interrogation without getting hostile, that is a good sign. There is a possibility that he has taken accountability, and might not default to cheating when he feels some type away about himself , relationship, or his partner.

If you are going to be with someone who has a track record of cheating no need to drive yourself crazy.

This is easier said than done. You both have to first understand each other’s feelings and point of view surrounding infidelities. But what is the purpose of being with someone if you know that they have a past or current behavior that you think is problematic that you know will drive you crazy?

If you made a decision to be with someone despite certain behavior that they have, or had, then you must extend trust. As you cannot enter a relationship feeling iffy and have doubts. You have to trust that he is working it through, and of course with your support.

If not, you are not being supportive or giving trust,. You are only adding pressure to maintain his sobriety or nagging. That will not help the situation but create conflict between you two.

The past is just that the past. Even though the past is known to predict future outcomes( predictive behavior) that does not always stand true. However, in this instance let your partner’s current behavior speaks for itself. Give the benefit of the doubt until otherwise.

People change habits for many reasons. I think people decide to change when they have reached a level of maturity when the behavior is no longer satisfying on some level, foremost for themselves. If it’s infidelity perhaps he has realized how much it has negatively impacted his life. So, when he meets his new babe he does not want to repeat that behavior as he knows that he is going to loose something that he values.

When this change occurs in an individual others are able to benefit. So, if a person decides that infidelity is no longer his escape or gratifying, he will try his best to change that behavior. He has realized it is no longer working for himself, or for that new relationship that he so badly wants to be a part of.

Thank you friends for leaving. Do you think once a cheater is always a cheater?