Yesterday, I picked up season five of The Real Housewives of Atlanta.
I’ve resolved to watch less or no reality shows going forward.
As I watch, I am overcome with guilt.
That by promoting these ideas, I am perpetuating harmful generalizations about black women.
Plus, they’re watching, which boosts the show’s audience.
But you must understand that I am not one to fall for such blatant fabrications.
I’ve seen what authentic depictions of black women actually look like.
However, I will not elucidate further at this time.
Covid-19 and physical separation both contributed to my extreme boredom.
So, I started looking for something to do to pass the time; not that I couldn’t have found something more productive to do with my time, but reality TV seemed appealing at the moment.
I caved in, and The Real Housewives of Atlanta did not disappoint with their outrageous antics.
Their fashion successes and failures were hilarious to me.
It didn’t take long to get up to speed; harmful narrative lies are constant, after all.
In addition to Kenya and her husband, the storyline that interested me most involved Cynthia and her new boyfriend.
She said he’s a serial cheater who wonders what sets her apart from the other women he’s cheated with.
Not necessarily, no.
Talk to me.
In this case, she is right on the money.
Women of sound mind who are considering a relationship with a known cheater will have concerns and questions.
We all understand that cheating can be a deal breaker in any relationship.
If I were you, I’d be concerned.
If it were just an isolated incident, even if it was still unacceptable, I wouldn’t worry as much as I do if it became a regular occurrence.
A singular instance in which he admits that his previous actions were foolish.
That he is repulsed by his actions, feels terrible about having done them, and wants everyone to know how sorry he is.
In addition to detailing the what, why, and how to prevent a recurrence, this report also provides recommendations for moving forward.
Women who believe they are exceptional and have the power to change a cheater.
If they have such extraordinary abilities, they should not hoard them.
But for the ordinary people who are concerned that this trend will persist, this is cause for concern.
If this becomes a pattern, I, too, would be worried.
To start, it’s not easy to alter established routines.
Second, he would have to figure out what led to the development of this pattern.
Since it’s possible, as with any addiction, that he could relapse.
If that were to occur, you’d need to give some thought to how you’d react.
Do you plan on talking it out with him or leaving town as soon as you hear the news?
Maybe he was able to break the habit because he had plenty of time to do so.
As a result, he is no longer in need, has reached the end of his tether, and/or is on the verge of abandoning this destructive pattern.
There were three potential causes for this behavior, two of which stemmed from outside influences.
Once the causes were determined, what efforts did he make?
Did he just say he’s finished and satisfied with himself?
On the other hand, did he ever engage in self-reflection or seek professional help?
It’s encouraging that he’s willing to sit through your interrogation without reacting negatively.
He may have learned to take responsibility for his actions and no longer automatically resort to cheating whenever he has negative feelings about himself, his relationship, or his partner.
There is no reason to stress out if you plan on being with someone who has a history of infidelity.
Putting this into practice is much harder than it sounds.
You and your partner must first come to terms with your respective emotions and perspectives on infidelity.
However, why bother with someone if you know they’ll drive you crazy with some problematic behavior from their past or present?
If you chose to be with someone despite undesirable traits they currently or previously possessed, you owe them your trust.
Considering that uncertainty and doubt are incompatible with entering a relationship.
With your help, of course, but you have to believe that he is thinking it through.
If you don’t, you’re not being encouraging or trustworthy.
It’s not like you’re helping him stay sober by nagging or applying extra pressure.
That would only serve to escalate tensions between the two of you.
The past is the past; we can’t change it.
Predictive behavior, the ability to foresee future events based on the present, is not a given.
But in this case, let your partner’s current actions do the talking.
Until proven otherwise, assume the best.
There are numerous motivations for pattern breaks.
I believe that people make the choice to alter their behavior when they reach a level of maturity at which it no longer serves their own needs and interests.
If it’s adultery, maybe he’s finally come to terms with the damage it’s done to his life.
Since he is going to lose something important to him if he does that with his new girlfriend, he is determined to avoid doing it.
When this transformation takes place in a person, everyone wins.
If a person decides that adultery is no longer a means of escape or satisfaction for him, he will make every effort to stop engaging in such behavior.
He has come to terms with the fact that it is no longer serving either him or the new relationship he so desperately seeks.
We appreciate your having vacated the premises, and thank you.
Is it your belief that a person who cheats once will continue to cheat in the future?