Men's Hero Instinct: 21 Easy and Effective Ways To Trigger It

Key Takeaways:

What Is A Man’s Hero Instinct?

The hero instinct comes from the idea that men have a natural drive to feel needed, as well as to protect and provide for those they care about. It is widely believed that particular behaviors or actions by a romantic partner can trigger or activate this natural desire.

Warning: The following strategies can be powerful, and it’s important to highlight that each individual has their own set of needs and motivations, and attempting to manipulate or control someone’s feelings or behavior for self-gain at their expense, or any other malicious or negative reason is not condoned by us, nor appropriate or healthy.


You want your man to be there for you always. You desire unwavering dedication and a solid relationship that seems as thrilling as it is stable.

With that in mind, how do you see your perfect man? Is he steadfast and unwavering? Are you brave and determined? Is he brave and unwavering in his defense of his values? Is he as empathetic as he is self-assured?

Many women dream of meeting their Prince Charming. The hero instinct men possess is the physical manifestation of this dream. In daily life, it is man’s evolutionary instinct to protect their loved ones. This man is self-assured, confident, and educated; he effortlessly cares for himself and his family.

His relationship with you is of the utmost importance to him. He wants to keep you happy and secure, and he would go to any length to do so.

But what causes men to develop a heroes instinct? Is it all a matter of biology? Are certain men more likely to commit and stay than others? Or are there additional psychological variables at work? What role does this instinct play in romantic relationships? Let’s get started.

What Is Men’s Hero Instinct?

According to dating and relationship coach James Bauer hero instinct is a biological desire related to hunger, thirst, and sex.

However, Bauer contends that when engaged, mens hero instinct drive is much stronger than the other instincts.

So, what exactly is the hero instinct in men? In its most basic form, it refers to a man realizing he is needed. Consider the traditional damsel in distress story.

A man wants to feel heroic and powerful; he wants to know he can save someone when they are in trouble. When a woman enables her man to do this—when she gives possibilities for protection and love—he jumps right in.

Bauer claims that once a woman awakens this urge, the man finds her attractive. He can’t seem to get enough of her. When this occurs, he develops a secret crush on her. She becomes his important concern in life.

As a result, the hero instinct also refers to making the most of masculine energy. Masculinity is a wide notion, but it mainly refers to the behaviors, roles, and expectations that men have.

In popular culture, this frequently signifies being aggressive, tough, and stoic. Even the most severe situations are no match for this kind of man. He is talented and knowledgeable. He has a natural ability to help people.

According to some relationship experts, most (if not all) men have the hero instinct. It’s a part of their personality, and it’s an important aspect in the dating and commitment process. They must, however, be with the appropriate person for it to be opened.

How To Trigger A Man’s Hero Instinct

Knowing that the proper man in your life wants to defend and support you is the key to knowing how to deed a man’s hero instinct. At the same time, making him feel valued and unique boosts his self-esteem, making him more likely to want to remain in the relationship.

Here are some easy ways to trigger your hero instinct. Keep in mind that these are basic rules that may not apply in all relationships. If you and your partner are actually mismatched, the relationship may need additional professional supervision if it is to work.

1. Ask For His Help

Asking for help is not always easy, but it’s a good idea to get your guy involved around the house, especially when you need assistance with tasks that you don’t have time or energy to complete. Doing this will activate his hero instinct and make him feel important. Everyone loves feeling needed—it provides reassurance, knowing that their contributions are valuable. Requesting assistance is an excellent way to show your appreciation and make him feel valued.

Plus, guys like to be helpful and want to know that their efforts are appreciated. So don’t forget to thank him when he’s done helping—he’ll surely appreciate it!

2. Make Him Feel Needed

Most men struggle with the idea of feeling needed in a relationship. They want to be viewed as strong individuals, but just like everyone else, they crave to feel loved and appreciated for their unique gifts that they bring to any relationship. Making your partner feel needed makes him feel more secure and appreciated, thus helping him feel important and special in your eyes.

Providing opportunities for your man to be needed and valued both at home and in the relationship adds positive reinforcement of how he has demonstrated his strength throughout these moments. Reassurance helps build self-confidence which can further promote trust within a relationship; by reassuring him that he is an important part of your life and cherished will help foster a close bond connecting you even further. Showing appreciation rather than taking it for granted will undoubtedly boost feelings of possibility between each other while reinforcing the strength of a long-term investment that two people make into one another.

3. Let Him Protect You

There’s no denying that men have an innate desire to protect their loved ones. It’s deeply ingrained in our evolutionary biology and the caveman-like instinct to take care of our women has never really gone away, it’s just adapted to fit modern societies. For men, feeling like a protector can be rewarding and satisfying as it fulfills his desire for importance and security within a relationship.

As women, we should realize the benefit we have in letting our partners show us how much they care about us by giving them the chance to express these hero instincts—provided it’s done in healthy ways. Men don’t necessarily need presents or spoken words to communicate their love—letting him do things for you is a sign that he cares and wants to protect you from harm. Allowing someone to help you when needed not only makes it easier for you, but also gives him a sense of pride as if he were your knight in shining armor come down from on high!

4. Frequently compliment him

Men love praises, but new study suggests that they are less likely than women to receive them. In addition, men are more inclined to praise women than women are to complement men.

This is regrettable. We all want to be complimented. Compliments make us feel valued and unique. When you’re dating someone, a compliment is a simple way to say, I believe you’re extremely wonderful, and I want you to know that.

Make an intentional effort to complement your man. If you want your compliment to have an impact, be precise! For example, instead of saying, You look great today, say, I really like that shirt on you. It gives you a really muscular appearance! Alternatively, instead of saying, You’re such a fantastic chef, try saying, I really enjoyed supper today. That was one of the finest steaks I’ve eaten in a long time.

As a proviso, make sure your praises are sincere and acceptable for the situation. Overwhelming someone with praise is counterproductive. Furthermore, you don’t want to add to his stress when he just wants to be left alone.

Excessive praise may come out as deceptive. It may also make someone feel like a baby. If you want to get it right, it’s a no-brainer to check out His Secret Obsession Phrases.

5. Recognize Him in Public

Complimenting your man is essential for making him feel valued. As a result, you should make an effort to tell him how much he means to you on a regular basis. As a result, when you compliment him in front of others, he will feel like a million dollars.

We all have egos that need to be inflated. Think of how you can boast about your partner the next time you’re out with relatives or friends.

Of course, context is essential. You don’t want to arbitrarily introduce compliments while people are discussing something completely unrelated. This action may seem uncomfortable and desperate.

However, if someone else brings up a related issue, throw in a remark about how pleased you are of your man. Make it clear that you appreciate him in your life and are continually amazed by his work and intelligence.

6. Support Him Achieve His goals

Both partners in a good relationship aspire to be the greatest versions of themselves. You should both strive to develop and better yourself. The more you and your partner concentrate on this activity, the more fulfilling your relationship will be.

You must promote and support his goals. Even if he doesn’t fully believe in himself, you must demonstrate that you have his back. You must show your whole confidence in his ability to do everything he puts his mind to.

You may do this by asking questions and expressing interest in his responses. Don’t presume to know what he wants to accomplish with his life. Make it a point to check in on a frequent basis.

Finally, don’t pass judgement or point out flaws. Progress is not always linear, and setbacks are common while working towards a goal. Shaming him will simply aggravate his resistance and disengagement; it may even trigger him to forsake his motivations entirely.

7. Promote Manly Moments

Even if you don’t fit into typical gender roles, most men desire to feel powerful and protective. They want to be their own hero for you and the people that mean the most to them.

You may trigger this complex by instructing him to do ways like:

  • Heavy goods must be picked up or moved.
  • Crack open a difficult jar.
  • Repair everything that is broken.
  • Help with house physical work.
  • Taking hold of something that is out of reach.

You don’t have to go crazy with this. Allowing your man to help you, on the other hand, is likely to provide him enormous happiness and significantly boost his self-esteem.

It’s a good idea to question your man about his opinions or feelings on various matters on a frequent basis. For one thing, it demonstrates that you appreciate his input. Furthermore, this action helps you in becoming a more collaborative relationship.

Men like to believe that their views are valued. Making executive decisions without consulting them on a regular basis might engender anger and dissatisfaction. They may believe you are unconcerned about their needs. At the same time, people may assume you always know what’s best.

So, prioritize inclusivity. With that in mind, attempt to genuinely apply his suggestions when you make judgements. After all, seeking help and then declining it would only irritate or confuse him.

8. Ask for His Opinion

Want to show your man that you value his opinion? Asking your man for his thoughts and creating an environment where he feels comfortable to share them will go a long way.

Men are typically more action-oriented than women, and they want to feel like their input counts. One of the key ways you can make your man feel supported is by simply accepting and incorporating his opinions into decisions you make as a couple.

Recognizing his wisdom isn’t just about saying thank you or verbal implies, but actually implementing his opinions when making big or small life decisions together. He’ll be elated to know that not only do you see him, but you actually use him as a sounding board before making any huge moves in the relationship. Respect begets respect!

9. Embrace Timeless Moments

You are powerful and capable of caring for yourself. While embracing your freedom is important, there’s something to be said about periodically letting your man be a gentleman.

Do you allow him to behave passionately while you act chivalrously? Are you prepared to let him carry your purse or open the door, for example? Can you hand him the items as you exit the store?

These moments, no matter how small or trivial they seem to be, may have a major impact. They help men feel wanted, which helps to boost their self-esteem.

10. Be Open to Being Vulnerable

Many times, we put up a strong front to prevent being taken advantage of by others. If you’ve been injured in the past, you may be emotionally guarded. This effort of self-preservation might result from trauma, but it can also arise as a result of relationship problems.

To that end, allowing oneself to be real with your needs and feelings is a prerequisite for activating the hero instinct. This involves bravery to some extent—you must be willing to be vulnerable, even if it terrifies you.

Remember that the ideal partner will accept you for who you are. If you feel ashamed, rejected, or criticized, this might be a major red sign. You can be with someone who is immature or childish. It is nearly always preferable to realize this sooner rather than later.

Vulnerability is particularly important if you are generally strong and self-sufficient. If a man sees that you have it all together, he will be even more honored if he gets to see your more human side.

11. Accept His Vulnerability

The hero instinct isn’t simply about expressing a man’s manhood. It’s about nurturing and appreciating all parts of him, which is particularly important if he suffers with emotions.

Consider it this way. Men often assume that in order to be respectable, they must perform well. At the same time, data reveals that 86% of men feel pressure to be emotionally strong. And, although many of them want to outperform you and make you pleased, they also have feelings!

So, if your man expresses his feelings, whether by sobbing, admitting fear, getting humiliated, or gently expressing rage, it is your responsibility to support those emotions.

You don’t have to modify his feelings. You don’t even need a solution to attempt to address the problem. Remember that feelings are normal responses that we all experience. Let him know you’re there to support him in whatever way he needs.

12. Don’t Be Too Dependent

This proposal may seem paradoxical at first. After all, you’ve just learnt the advantages of allowing your man to help you, accepting vulnerability, and seeking his advice.

However, everything must be done in moderation. If you want to have a meaningful relationship, you can’t come out as completely powerless. As a result, the relationship becomes unequal and one-sided. Instead of feeling empowered to support you, your partner is likely to feel overwhelmed.

That is why it is important to keep your independence. You should have your own set of interests, relationships, and priorities. Failure to retain them, or disregarding them while in a relationship, results in the loss of identity. Nothing is more ugly than a person who lacks self-esteem.

It is preferable to ask for support rather than constant assistance. Selectively seek help when necessary. Give him chances to shine, but don’t expect him to do everything for you!

13. Make It Clear That You’re Content

Nobody needs to play games in a good relationship. You don’t need anybody to guess how you feel, and you definitely don’t want to manipulate situations in order to get people to behave in a specific way.

So, be sincere. Inform him that you are pleased with him and your relationship. Keep your gratitude in mind at all times. Keep in mind everything you like about him.

Suggestion for Further Reading: 23 Strange Signs from the Universe That Someone Is Thinking About You

Also, keep in mind that happiness is not a set feeling. It’s a changing state, but even in the worst of moments, you may attempt to find pleasure and significance in what you two share.

14. Highlight Your Commitment

Don’t keep your emotions a secret. If your man is the only one for you, let him know! Take advantage of chances to demonstrate your degree of devotion.

Of course, you must be careful not to go crazy with this one. For example, if you’re in the early stages of a new relationship, it’s generally not suitable to discuss how you feel like soulmates. Similarly, you wouldn’t want to tell someone that you’ve never had such a strong connection with someone on a first date.

However, when things get more serious, it is beneficial to be open and honest about your goals and feelings. When you love someone, tell them!

15. Observe His Boundaries

Boundaries are an important part of any good relationship. Everyone has personal boundaries that must be respected by others around them. If someone frequently breaches your limits, their actions will elicit anger and destroy trust over time.

What does it mean to respect your man’s boundaries? First and foremost, it entails acknowledging his needs. You may not always meet them (no one is flawless), but you must be prepared to listen to them with an open mind.

Respecting your partner’s limits, for example, means not bombarding him with questions as soon as he steps through the door when he gets home from work.

Keep in mind that every relationship has its own set of rules. Some couples, for example, may believe it totally normal to exchange social media passwords. Another couple, on the other hand, could find that limit restricting and intrusive.

It all boils down to regular, good communication. You and your partner must both agree on what is and is not acceptable. What works best for you may seem odd to another couple, but that isn’t the purpose. The idea is that you both agree on the boundaries and actively work to keep them in place.

16. Be Excited

Some men may like pursuing someone who is difficult to obtain. But the delight is fleeting. When women are excited to be with them, men stay!

We’re all prone to operating on autopilot at times. But if this is your pattern, it’s time for a reality check. Show him why he’s unique, and make an extra effort to pay attention to him!

Plan on snuggling and making out tonight if you both love physical affection. Or, the next time you have sex, prepare yourself well. Get in the mood and do your best to please him.

Suggestion for Further Reading: 10 Telltale Signs Your Ex Is Pretending to Be Over You

Enthusiasm goes beyond physical needs. Consider preparing an extravagant date to a location you know he will love. Alternatively, on your way home from work, pick up his favorite dessert at random. Inform him that you were thinking about him!

Quality is typically more important than quantity. We’re all busy, and it’s impractical to be in love all the time. Making real efforts to make him feel unique, on the other hand, will always be appreciated.

17. Give Him Your Complete Focus

You can’t expect to activate your man’s hero instinct if you’re always distracted or bored. Similarly, if you don’t genuinely listen to him, he’ll feel as though he doesn’t matter.

Make it a point to be present in your relationship as much as possible. If you’re short on time, arrange discussions ahead of time. Setting aside even five or ten minutes to catch up with one another may make a big impact.

Your man needs to know that you’re interested in him, that you’re listening to him, and that you’re paying attention to him. He needs to know that he can rely on you.

So, as much as possible, model active listening. Put your phone down. Avoid interfering. Reduce external distractions.

Ask for explanation if you don’t comprehend anything. Consider what he says and incorporate any comments. The more you can demonstrate that his needs are important to you, the more likely he will want to remain with you!

18. Understand What Makes Him Feel Loved

The concept of the Five Love Languages was established by Gary Chapman as a beginning point for helping you enhance your relationships with others. Your love language relates to the way you feel most connected.

Some people, for example, place a high importance on spending quality time together. Others value acts of service, such as cleaning the dishes or washing the vehicle. Receiving exceptional presents makes others feel the most cherished.

There are no right or incorrect languages, but knowing your partner’s is a good idea. You may be able to figure it out. If you’re not sure, you can take a free online quiz.

Suggestion for Further Reading: What are the symptoms that a man is keeping his actual feelings from you?

Once you’ve gathered that knowledge, think about how you might “play up” his love language as much as possible. For example, if he loves acts of service, consider small, concrete measures you might do to make his life easier. Perhaps it’s completing a load of laundry or filling up his vehicle with petrol.

If he loves physical affection, examine how you might integrate more touch while you’re with each other. For example, maybe you’ll prefer to hold his hand as you run errands together or scratch his back when you’re watching a movie.

Furthermore, there is a considerable probability that you already know certain unique things that make him feel appreciated. Maybe he gets really thrilled when you create a certain dish. Or, he gets particularly thrilled when you wear his favorite outfit and do your hair. Make an effort to incorporate more of these feel-good activities into your routine- he will feel valued and cherished!

19. Don’t Underestimate His Abilities

When it comes to the men in our lives, it can be easy to forget that they’re heroes too. Just because he isn’t some comic book character dressed in spandex and leaping over buildings, doesn’t mean he’s not capable of great superhuman feats. Men also crave admiration and respect from their significant other as much as women do. Oftentimes, if we underestimate them or take their abilities for granted, this has a negative effect on their self-esteem.

Recognizing your man’s special abilities and talents is a way to remind him that you admire and appreciate him for who he is. Whether he’s a master fixer, an amazing listener or adept at picking out the perfect gift – acknowledge his capability by expressing your gratitude with words of affirmation or even small gestures of affection.

At the end of the day, your partner isn’t a superhero but there’s no reason why they can’t be one in spirit!

20. Show Your Gratitude

Showing appreciation for someone can make all the difference. Whether it be a simple “Thank you” after they hold the door open for you or an elaborate gift for someone who made a huge effort on your behalf, gratitude is essential to hero instinct psychology, if fact to human psychology generally. This sentiment doesn’t only apply to women; men need to be appreciated just as much! Studies have shown that when responsible adults receive praise and recognition, it motivates them to continue helping out, creating a cycle of positivity and good will. Recognition can take several forms, from subtle body language like a smile to verbal validation. A small thank-you can go a long way in boosting morale and fostering relationships of respect and kindness between people. Show your gratitude today!

21. Send him the 12-word text

If you’re looking for a way to show your partner appreciation, then you might think about sending him an appreciative text message. Sure, it’s certainly one way to do it, but I’d suggest approaching it in person or at least over the phone if possible. There’s something much more powerful about expressing your admiration in person, because it allows him to read your body language and recognize that you’re being honest.

But there are other types of texts that will grab his attention quicker than his favorite team making the playoffs: the 12-word text. I used this on my partner around month 4 of our relationship when he started pulling away and acting distant. He was immediately intrigued by what I had to say next. After searching through some books, I learned more about this secret technique from James Bauer’s book, His Secret Obsession. The concept is super simple – use 12 words that make your man feel like he can open up to you and tell you all of his deepest thoughts and desires. It sends a clear message that he can rely on you for anything and everything; an extremely powerful emotion!

Does the Hero Instinct In Men Improve the Relationship?

All relationships are different, so it isn’t fair to presume every pair benefits from the hero instinct in a man. As humans, we’re immensely complicated, and we all have distinct needs.

That said, both men and women prefer to feel needed and important. They cherish feeling exceptional among their loved ones. They want to feel their intrinsic strengths matter.

Therefore, it doesn’t harm to attempt to embrace the hero instinct. If you feel like it’s missing in your relationship, it can be worth attempting to trigger it. It might uncover a new set of reasons for your man. It may also help you both feel noticed and important.

What Are the Hero Instinct 12 Words?

James Bauer identifies a specific, 12-word phrase as being crucial in helping trigger the hero instinct naturally. But, of course, this is only one coach’s experience, and you must attend his expensive course to grasp what this message involves.

But remember, you don’t need to over-complicate things. In addition, short fixes- even when they seem promising- seldom exist in the context of a genuine relationship.

Does The Hero Instinct Work?

Things take time, and instead of attempting to repair everything quickly, concentrate on creating steady, lasting habits. Make your man feel valued. Acknowledge your delight in the relationship. Stay loyal and connected with one another. Make it a priority to let him be needed. Focusing on these goals will surely help your man feel unique!