Name: Desperate Dating.

Age: Centuries old, although revealing desperation is traditionally ill-advised.

Appearance: The opposite of playing hard to get.

Is this some kind of new philosophy? It’s actually a new website, called Desperate.Dating.

And it’s for desperate people? It’s aimed at anyone who has been single for three years or more, but that’s not a rule of the site.

What are the rules of the site? The main rule is to forget the old rules of online dating.

What were they? Any strategy that comes under the heading of playing it cool: avoiding double texting, showing little enthusiasm, pretending to be busy.

I suppose acting as if you’re not interested could be considered counterproductive. Yet common online dating advice is to play it cool – never reply to a message with a longer message, don’t be too nice, don’t complain about being single or propose plans too far in advance.

And all that goes out of the window here? Precisely. The app is for the mad keen and super-available only.

The desperate, in other words. You say it like it’s a bad thing.

It is, famously. Not now. The website wants to help you find someone exactly as needy as you are, as quickly as possible.

How do they mean to do that? There is a one-click “Desperate button” that alerts prospective partners to your interest straight away.

People are signing up for this? Well, 2,400 people have already joined and the site only launches on Valentine’s Day.

Ah, the desperate daters’ Waterloo. Whose idea was this? It is the brainchild of a software developer, David Minns, who has trademarked himself The Niche Online Dating ManTM.

He has other dating sites? He’s the founder of the gamer dating site Joystick, and 20 Dating, an app where you can only match with people who are 20 years older or younger.

Quite niche. But I foresee a problem with the whole idea. What’s that?

While the desperate may be desperate to date, they are not necessarily desperate to date the desperate. That’s the old way of thinking. Why should desperate singles not be able to find each other without having to wade through endless profiles of time-wasters and show-offs?

You seem to be excluding the possibility that some people are desperate because they are awful. Are you flirting with me?

No. You are. Got plans for 14 February?

Do say: “Let’s cut to the chase – if you’ve got opposable thumbs, I think we can make this work.”

Don’t say: “Marry me!”